All Comics - 12 step smiles

Because he was still under 30 days in the program, no one had the heart to tell Bob that recovery was not magic and he will simply gets what he works for. Plus, the rabbit was cute.

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Enrique discovers that changing the theme from “LET’S PARTY!” to “LET’S AVOID SELF-MEDICATING” puts a bit of a damper on things.

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Dear God, thank you for delivering my wife to the miracle of a recovery. Now, that she’s left me can you please replace her with a wealthy, 28 year old nymphomaniac who likes to cook chorizo?

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Rick apologizes to his sponsor for rambling and then continues to ramble.

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After most people bottom out, they choose to rise. Tony opted to travel sideways for a bit.

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And the Academy Award goes to Samantha for her ability to turn a small, inconsequential problem into a full length, cataclysmic drama in under five minutes.

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Not sure who you think you’re speaking to but the only ho you should be seeking is a ho lotta Higher Power.

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After 18 hours of obsessive rumination that caused her to skip the gym, break her diet and call her mom with a tornado of tears, Cindy finally comes up with the witty line she wish she would have said to that bitch Paula early yesterday morning. Ha-Ha, who’s laughing now!

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How dare you call me delusional when you know damn well my head is chock full of irrational, psychotic, self-absorbed ideas.

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I’m new to all this Step 11 stuff and not really sure how it works, but can you please just remove the lows, keep the highs and we’ll all keep marching happily along?

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It’s not a relapse, Sarah. I’m just doing more research to better understand my disease.

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Tim and John wonder whether allowing Mitch to greet the newcomers is really the best idea.

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Collin wonders if his probation officer means orange like the fruit or orange like the color, and the tab of acid he took is not helping whatsoever.

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Gabriel opens his eyes for the 636th time in a row.

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Sober or not, people still think Wilbert is a douche.

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Cindy, would you enmesh with me?

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Chili dogs at meetings? Why not, thought Al. As the literature says, this gas too shall pass.

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Yes, even without reading your medical charts I am confident in my diagnosis, Jim. For goodness sakes, you brought a beer to your doctor’s appointment.

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So I just discovered this hack where blaming my sponsor for not fixing my character defects scores me wicked, sweet points with Higher Power.

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When the treatment center director falls off the wagon, everyone falls off the wagon.

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When the sponsee becomes the sponsor.

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No! You are not allowed to break the unwritten rules of our relationship that you never agreed to in the first place.

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When it comes to dating in recovery, I’ll put it like this: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

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As dad explains that the real reason Mom left was because of Timmy and Frank, somewhere in the future a rehab center preps two beds.

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They say humor lowers cortisol which is why as your sponsor when I mock you, my sarcasm is really a healing tonic.

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Instead of me trying to do the best I can I think about how I can do the worst I can and then do the opposite. Pathetic, yes. But it works.

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Cyndi,I need to be frank with you. Your blood work is great, your vitals are normal and your charts look fine. But unfortunately, you have an incurable case of being a mortal human so go home, relax and try to have some fun before you inevitably die.

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Now that we’re both sober, can’t we just agree there is no real reason for us to remain friends?

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I tend to talk in facts. Unless it pertains to the truth.

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Honey, I might appear to be a wise old sage when it comes to helping other people but when it comes to me counseling me, I’m just as fucked as the rest of us.

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Some people say I smoke too much pot but I prefer to view it as outsourcing my emotional safety to a familiar and trusted support system.

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I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.

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I told you not to mock his mocktail.

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No one wanted to ask the million dollar question: Had coffee become their group’s Higher Power?

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For no other reason than to keep the group engaged and attentively listening, Katie began her share with a trigger warning.

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Denial Patterns: when Bob passes gas and the meeting continues on as if no one can smell a thing.

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Jay felt it more than a little ironic that the LBGTQ+ 12 Step meeting preached inclusivity yet demonized straight people. Yet of course he didn’t say anything because he didn’t dare risk being blackballed from a fellowship where they served such fantastic scones.

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Maybe it was the neckline, maybe it was the material, or maybe it was simply the greatly improved self-esteem that came from regularly attending 12 Step meetings. But no matter what it was, Janet loved the way t-shirts with recovery slogans on them made her tits feel perky again.

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I’m looking for a husband who follows the no cross-talk rule.

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That DUI, yeah… totally not my fault.

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Tony knew the most important person in the room was the newcomer, but if this “It’s my first meeting, how’s my hair?” girl suddenly found a different night of the week for recovery, he wouldn’t really mind that much.

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“Sure, after last night’s shit show and today’s shame shower, I definitely considered joining. But I have a feeling a 12 step program would get in the way of my irresponsibilities.”

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Methinks the addict doth protest too much.

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You know when you open the fridge over and over expecting to find something different but you never do? Yeah, that’s me with booze, blow, porn, debt, and any sort of personal responsibility.

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Boys, can’t we just pretend for one evening that I’m not traumatizing you.

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“Since I joined the program on February 29 of a Leap Year technically, I think I only have to do Steps 1, 4, 8, and 12.”

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Yo, Higher Power… what’s with this Step 11 bullshit? Can’t you just text me, bro?

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Janice wonders how she came to marry the rare exception.

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Tina prided herself on making sure her shares followed the strong narrative arc of a three-act structure.

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Dear blah, blah, blah… can I just have what I want now?

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James explains to Sally that she can either expect him to be a positive and supportive member of this 12 Step group or pass a drug test… but she can’t have both.

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“Since I joined the program on February 29 of a Leap Year technically, I think I only have to do Steps 1, 4, 8, and 12.”

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You know when you open the fridge over and over expecting to find something different but you never do? Yeah, that’s me with booze, blow, porn, debt, and any sort of personal responsibility.

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Tina prided herself on making sure her shares followed the strong narrative arc of a three-act structure.

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Clark bemoans how today’s generation is soft.

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Dear blah, blah, blah… can I just have what I want now?

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James explains to Sally that she can either expect him to be a positive and supportive member of this 12 Step group or pass a drug test… but she can’t have both.

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“To be honest, I’m more of a breaker than a fixer but if you want me to sponsor you, hey… it’s your soul.”

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No one wanted to ask the million dollar question: Had coffee become their group’s Higher Power?

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Even though Thomas was still in his pajamas, his addiction was fully dressed and ready for the day.

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For no other reason than to keep the group engaged and attentively listening, Katie began her share with a trigger warning.

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Instead of heading to a meeting, Jack fills out his online dating profile.

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We like to seat gentlemen like yourselves together. Prevents this place from becoming a haunt for “slippers” if you know what I mean.

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Not satisfied with just laying into me, my mom turned her attention towards ripping my Higher Power a new asshole.

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Well that’s not a good sign.

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After Santa got sober, he became quite a different gift giver.

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Not satisfied with just laying into me, my mom turned her attention towards ripping my Higher Power a new asshole.

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That DUI, yeah… totally not my fault.

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Tony knew the most important person in the room was the newcomer, but if this “It’s my first meeting, how’s my hair?” girl suddenly found a different night of the week for recovery, he wouldn’t really mind that much.

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Tom asks for too much.

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“Sure, after last night’s shit show and today’s shame shower, I definitely considered joining. But I have a feeling a 12 step program would get in the way of my irresponsibilities.”

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Boys, can’t we just pretend for one evening that I’m not traumatizing you.

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Methinks the addict doth protest too much.

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Well, of course my addiction is rooted in childhood sadness. I come from a family of clowns.

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The pressure to be wise is just too much.

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Hi, my name is Rudolph R. and now that the holidays are here, I am just trying to take it one hoof at a time.

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With a snout like this, you would think I could have foreseen that becoming a cocaine addict would prove to be more expensive than I could afford on a mere circus performer salary. They literally pay peanuts.

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I know as a dove I’m supposed to represent peace, love and goodwill on earth but sometimes when the holidays roll around, I just wanna do tequila shots and fuck shit up.

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The good news is, I found a 12 step program that is really going to help. The bad news is, we’re no longer going to be able to fuck like rabbits.

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I know Step 11 says I can increase my connection to Higher Power through meditation but I’m really plagued by monkey mind.

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If the enemy of my enemy is my friend, does that mean the therapist of my therapist is my qualifier?

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If you want to know the truth about my addiction, Stan, I think it stems from the idea that for my entire life I’ve just felt like a fish out of water.

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Not gonna lie, now that I am sober getting high off of fresh powder has a whole new meaning.

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Roger and Tina consider seeing a therapist.

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Kim walks the fine line of attraction rather than promotion.

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Janice wonders how she came to marry the rare exception.

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Bella suddenly realizes she has inner kitten issues.

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Because his recovery program encourages rigorous honesty, Randy confirms that yes, he is indeed selling his grandmother’s toaster for drug money and rock bottom might very well be soon on the horizon.

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Tom logs into the wrong Zoom meeting and the Oak Park PTA forevermore mandates passwords.

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Paul, having only just heard about the concept of 13th stepping the night before, completely misreads the room.

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Jim’s marriage had no love, no sex, and no joy but at least there were homemade pancakes. And then he discovered this.

Jim’s marriage had no love, no sex, and no joy but at least there were homemade pancakes. And then he discovered this.

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“Well, after looking up this situation up in my HOW TO BE A GREAT PARENT GUIDEBOOK, it seems like we have two options, Timmy. Either I can point out what a piece of shit you are or you can begin explaining it to me?”

“Well, after looking up this situation up in my HOW TO BE A GREAT PARENT GUIDEBOOK, it seems like we have two options, Timmy. Either I can point out what a piece of shit you are or you can begin explaining it to me?”

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Even though Lorena tried to keep reminding herself about the rule of “principles over personalities,” she couldn’t shake the feeling that the some of the folks in her Wednesday night group were simply batshit crazy.

Even though Lorena tried to keep reminding herself about the rule of “principles over personalities,” she couldn’t shake the feeling that the some of the folks in her Wednesday night group were simply batshit crazy.

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The best day of Stanley K.’s life was the afternoon he lost his job, his wife, his home and his mistress all in the same 3 hour stretch. He just wouldn’t come to realize it for a few years.

The best day of Stanley K.’s life was the afternoon he lost his job, his wife, his home and his mistress all in the same 3 hour stretch. He just wouldn’t come to realize it for a few years.

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Louise loves the serenity prayer so much she seeks to etch it onto her husband’s face.

Louise loves the serenity prayer so much she seeks to etch it onto her husband’s face.

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The Women’s Only meeting started off well enough until Joanna P. decided to use smarm, cross-talk and Sally K’s last name.

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What Higher Power sees when addicts seek the council of other addicts instead of sponsors, prayer or meditation.

What Higher Power sees when addicts seek the council of other addicts instead of sponsors, prayer or meditation.

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Edwin knew his serenity was derived from his Higher Power… but having an ironclad pre-nup didn’t hurt either.

Edwin knew his serenity was derived from his Higher Power… but having an ironclad pre-nup didn’t hurt either.

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Not to knock the program, but I’d be much happier with the Serenity Prayer if I could change the things I cannot accept.

Not to knock the program, but I’d be much happier with the Serenity Prayer if I could change the things I cannot accept.

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Ralph’s first meeting with his inner child and boy-oh-boy does Lil’ Ralphie have something to say.

Ralph’s first meeting with his inner child and boy-oh-boy does Lil’ Ralphie have something to say.

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God, we pray for you to remove the negative, bitter, endlessly critical judgements from the heart of that scumsucking dirtbag, Jesse.

God, we pray for you to remove the negative, bitter, endlessly critical judgements from the heart of that scumsucking dirtbag, Jesse.

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Brenda suddenly realizes doing a 4th step will not be a 30 minute activity.

Brenda suddenly realizes doing a 4th step will not be a 30 minute activity.

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“Since I joined the program on February 29 of a Leap Year technically, I only have to do Steps 1,4,8 and 12.”

“Since I joined the program on February 29 of a Leap Year technically, I only have to do Steps 1,4,8 and 12.”

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Jack fills out his profile for an online dating app.

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Chuck’s first day of mirror work starts right about where his sponsor expected it would.

Chuck’s first day of mirror work starts right about where his sponsor expected it would.

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Me and my Higher Power.

Me and my Higher Power.

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Looking for a sign about whether it was finally time to go to a meeting, Jim finds bread in a hardware store.

Looking for a sign about whether it was finally time to go to a meeting, Jim finds bread in a hardware store.

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Mike enters the right room.

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Tom asks for too much.

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Stan drives a road he knows well.

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Lois eagerly dives into Step 4 doing a searching and fearless moral inventory of everybody else.

Lois eagerly dives into Step 4 doing a searching and fearless moral inventory of everybody else.

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I’m looking to date a man who follows the no cross-talk rule.

I’m looking to date a man who follows the no cross-talk rule.

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Zoom bomber identities that ought to have been intercepted before they attempted to hijack the online meeting.

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After our longitudinal study on your proclivities, pursuits and personality by a team of PhD’s we have arrived at a consensus. The problem is, you’re an asshole.

After our longitudinal study on your proclivities, pursuits and personality by a team of PhD’s we have arrived at a consensus. The problem is, you’re an asshole.

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After three years of Thursday night meetings, Norman finally fessed up that he’d been secretly live-streaming their recovery since day one and was happy to report the group had just crossed the 1 million subscriber mark.

After three years of Thursday night meetings, Norman finally fessed up that he’d been secretly live-streaming their recovery since day one and was happy to report the group had just crossed the 1 million subscriber mark.

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As Ron gets ready to share, his reputation for ignoring gentle reminders precedes him.

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A never-before-seen picture of my dad in the studio recording my inner child’s dysfunctional, self-loathing narrative.

A never-before-seen picture of my dad in the studio recording my inner child’s dysfunctional, self-loathing narrative.

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As tonight’s leader and trusted servant, I propose we start this meeting with a group conscience about whether or not we’re going to allow so many of us to cross our legs.

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I am not really trying to carry a message of experience, strength and hope anymore. Instead, what’s best for me is if I just ram it down other people’s throats.

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How do I know if a sponsor is not right for me? When his favorite part of the program is the 13th step.

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God, can you please hurry the fuck up and grant me patience?

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Candice prepares to humbly ask God to remove her shortcomings.

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Cyndi and Tom discuss the gentle, loving nature of their Higher Power.

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Hal K. forgot the literature. Pam C. forgot the coffee. Ted G. forgot the treasurer’s report. Suddenly and all at once, the Tuesday night meeting doubted the existence of a Higher Power.

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If I promise to let go of my resentments, you’ll make that bitch pay, right?

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If only Tim could fix her, he knew he’d be happy.

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Jill and Fred were proud that they didn’t play favorites. Each of their children were shamed equally.

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Don’t look at it as if your sponsor is about to hang up on you. View it as if sometimes I like to help people by allowing them to help themselves.

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God, grant me the serenity that comes with having a good hair day.

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Stan discovers that Recovery Jeopardy has a lot more categories than the regular tv version.

Stan discovers that Recovery Jeopardy has a lot more categories than the regular tv version.

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For once next week, can’t we just fuck with the newcomers?

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Attending just his second meeting, Tom wanted to make sure this group remained fully self-supporting.

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Is it cross-talk if I tell Cindy she is a selfish, immature, narcissistic moron?

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Dear God, thank you for delivering my husband to the miracle of a Twelve Step program. Now, about all that recovery jargon…

Dear God, thank you for delivering my husband to the miracle of a Twelve Step program. Now, about all that recovery jargon…

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Nothing made Marisol feel more connected to her husband than when Roger offered unsolicited advice.

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Pepper introduces Rocky to the 12 steps of Dog-Anon.

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Instead of heading to a meeting, Jack fills out his online dating profile.

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Even though Thomas was still in his pajamas, his addiction was fully dressed and ready for the day.

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“To be honest, I’m more of a breaker than a fixer but if you want me to sponsor you, hey… it’s your soul.”

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Clark bemoans how today’s generation is soft.

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Sally buys Fred his anniversary gift.

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“Don’t say it, Tim. Don’t say it out loud.”

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